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…at PersistentIllusion!

In light of the attack at NIU, or at Virginia Tech, or even back to Columbine, one thing becomes startlingly clear. 

These incidents are mirrors of the best and worst of humanity. 

It cannot be definitively known what leads someone to load up on semi-automatics and blast their classmates and teachers, though news organizations spend hours on conjecture as to why. 

The majority of information about the NIU shooting focuses on Steven Kazmierczak’s actions and motivations and there is little information on any acts of heroism.

However, in the wake of this tragedy, we can look at the Virginia Tech shootings to see how people rise in the face of terror.  There are moments when the best of what mankind has to offer is demonstrated. 

Professor Liviu Librescu, an Israeli-American scientist who survived the Holocaust, held the door of his classroom, Room 204, shut while Cho attempted to enter it.  

Librescu was able to prevent the shooter from entering the classroom until most of his students escaped through the windows, but he died after being shot multiple times through the door.  One student in his classroom died.

Jocelyne Couture-Nowak tried to save the students in her French classroom, Room 211, after looking Cho in the eye in the hallway.  Colin Goddard, one of seven survivors in the French class, told his family that Couture-Nowak ordered her students to the back of the class for their safety and made a fatal attempt to barricade the door. 

Student Henry Lee was also killed while trying to help Professor Couture-Nowak barricade the door.

Hearing the commotion on the floor below, Professor Kevin Granata brought 20 students from a nearby classroom into an office, where the door could be locked, on the third floor of Norris Hall. 

He then went downstairs to investigate and was shot by Cho. Granata died from his injuries.  None of the students locked in Granata’s office were injured.

In the face of the negative media onslaught, it is easy to think that people and society are in a constant decline. 

But for every story on price gouging and violence during a hurricane’s aftermath, there are 100 of how neighbors came together and helped each other.  For every story of police misconduct, there are many more of heroism and bravey in the line of fire.  For every story of a teacher abusing their students, there are the legions of unthanked and unappreciated teachers who have made the difference.

To all the people who faced horror and became heroes, we honor you.

1.  Dress the part.  Everyone says it because it’s true.  Now I would never suggest that you need to wear a suit or blazer everyday, because frankly you can even mess that up.  Behold. 

The Apple guy is casual while the Microsoft guy is in a suit and neither of their outifits scream “woohoo, Success!” 

They, both of them, look sloppy and one guy looks like Milton Waddams, the “I believe you have my stapler” guy from “Office Space” and the other looks like some college student who finally managed to roll out of bed.

Women, who stereotypically should know about fashion, can look even worse than the guys due to a lack of variety in men’s fashion.  I work with a woman who wears stuff this this into work…

How, I ask you, am I supposed to take her seriously?  She looks like a very nice person and someone I would ask to answer the phone and order office supplies, not sit in a meeting with clients or manage a large account.

Meanwhile, this lady looks like an executive, 

who shockingly, used to look like this…

Don’t let your clothing get in the way of your calling!

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If you liked this article check out 5 Steps to Living Your Dream or The World is Your Oyster.

Making a whole year of change is daunting.  That’s 12 months!  52 weeks!  365 days!  525,600 minutes!!!  It’s 22 days into 2008, how are you doing? 

Break your year down into manageable chunks; I like months or even days. 

PLAN A:  Months

If you think about it, a month is about how long it takes to get tired of a new toy or a routine.  A month is also a period of time that we are psychologically comfortable with.   We budget, pay bills, read magazines, attend clubs for hobbies - all on a monthly schedule.  You can do just about anything for 30 days.

Give each month a theme.  For example, my 2008 overview looks like this: (You’ll note, I operate on two cycle year.)

• January - Tracking.  I am tracking my spending, eating, activities/exercise, and business development.  Nothing complex (except for what’s business related).  I am just walking around with small notebooks and updating them as I go.  An indirect result is that I am eating more healthfully and spending less, however, that’s not the objective for the month as I simply acquiring data.
• February - Marriage.  Basically it’s rocking Valentine’s all month long.  That’s how we do Christmas at the house and I don’t see why Valentine’s should be any different. 
• March - Finances.  Taxes, yearly projections, monthly budgets, and more!  Analysis of spending, expenses, and networth.  Reevaluation of investment strategies. 
• April - Health.  Focus on healthful foods and drinks.  Experiment with flax seed, agave necter, dried seaweed, and other ‘exotic’ food choices and supplements.  Increase in exercise time.  Concentration on opening mornings with Sun Salutation and mindfulness.
• May - Business.  As in, get down too…
• June - Play.  This is the month for white water rafting, hitting bike trails, and going skydiving. 
• ———–July through December - wash, rinse, and repeat.———–

PLAN B:  Days of the Week 

Some folks find the monthly approach a little much, in which case the weekly plan is perfect.

• Sunday -
• Monday -Marriage
• Tuesday - Finances
• Wednesday - Health
• Thursday - Business
• Friday - Play
• Saturday - Tracking

Pitfalls

I find that people try to overhaul everything, all at once, and they end up with a giant daily ‘to do’ list that never gets done.

By giving yourself a specific focus, theme, or mission, you are able to reasonably prioritize your time and engage in habit-building which should carry over month-to-month.

It’s what businesses do, and what works for the big guys can work for you too!

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If you liked this article check out 6 Ways I Derailed My Sexy Train in 2007 or Steve Jobs is even cooler than I imagined.  The Steve Jobs video is only 15 minutes long, but I promise you that it’s one of the most inspirational speeches you can listen too.

Making a whole year of change is daunting.  That’s 12 months!  52 weeks!  365 days!  525,600 minutes!!!  It’s 22 days into 2008, how are you doing? 

Break your year down into manageable chunks; I like months or even days. 

Plan A:  MONTHLY

If you think about it, a month is about how long it takes to get tired of a new toy or a routine.  A month is also a period of time that we are psychologically comfortable with.   We budget, pay bills, read magazines, attend clubs for hobbies - all on a monthly schedule.  You can do just about anything for 30 days.

Give each month a theme.  For example:

January  Tracking.  I am tracking my spending, eating, activities/exercise, and business development.  Nothing complex (except for what’s business related).  I am just walking around with small notebooks and updating them as I go.  An indirect result is that I am eating more healthfully and spending less, however, that’s not the objective for the month as I am simply acquiring data.

February  Marriage.  Basically it’s rocking Valentine’s all month long.  That’s how we do Christmas at the house and I don’t see why Valentine’s should be any different. 

Plan B:  WEEKLY

Some folks find the monthly approach a little much, in which case the weekly plan is perfect.

Simply decide what the focus of your day will be for each day of the week.  You would be surprised at how much you may already do this.  For example, maybe Thursday is always date night or you spend Sundays with a focus on spirituality.  All you need to do is commit to ‘Workout Wednesdays’ or ‘Financial Fridays’ and incorporate it into your weekly routine.

Pitfalls

I find that people try to overhaul everything, all at once, and they end up with a giant daily ‘to do’ list that never gets done.

By giving yourself a specific focus, theme, or mission, you are able to reasonably prioritize your time and engage in habit-building which should carry over month-to-month.

It’s what businesses do, and what works for the big guys can work for you too!

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     * 

If you liked this article check out 6 Ways I Derailed My Sexy Train in 2007 or Steve Jobs is even cooler than I imagined.

Some yahoo on Yahoo said this:

“Everyone knows, even the smallest kid knows about Martin Luther King, can say his most famous moment was that “I have a dream” speech,” said Henry Louis Taylor Jr., professor of urban and regional planning at the University of Buffalo.

“No one can go further than one sentence,” he said. “All we know is that this guy had a dream, we don’t know what that dream was.”

Gee, genius, how about:

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.”

or,

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

Yes, there is a lot more to the speech, which can be found here, however, the above is more like a thesis statement, about making real the ‘promises of democracy’. 

When I hear “I have a dream” my soul is immediately in tune with the passion and certainty of his speech.  It speaks to me emotionally and, frankly, it’s the best catchphrase ever uttered.

Despite threats of death, Dr. King persisted.  Despite vicious unpopularity, Dr. King persistent.  Despite all this, Dr. King had a calling and transformed himself from the ultimate rebel to the ultimate icon of truth.

or, because I love this song…

When something crap happens in your life, the responsibility can typically be laid at your feet.  Broke?  You spent too much money.  Tired?  You stayed up until 4am.  Fired?  For every hour you spent on PerezHilton, you only spent 20 minutes doing your actual job.  Fat?  Stop eating McDonald’s.  It’s you, baby.

And sometime’s it’s not.

Sadly, folks are in denial regarding things they are responsible for, yet load the burden of culpability on themselves for things they aren’t responsible for - often for years.

It’s so easy to see this principle when looking at children of divorcing parents.  Rebecca feel’s it’s her fault, yet we know that the problem is between her parents, and has nothing to do with her.

Unfortunately, adults needlessly accept blame too.  Survivors of the Holocaust have often felt at fault, simply for surviving where their families did not.  Many victims of rape or incest feel responsible for the attacks.  Ditto for those abused by their spouses, especially if they are male. 

How can you know when you are, in fact, responsible? 

“Responsibility is a great word,” says Shelly Marshall. “It holds within it the key to answer the question: Who is responsible? Ask yourself, who is able to respond? Who is response-able? The one able to respond to a situation, is the one who has to be responsible.”

There is so much stuff you are legimately responsible for, give yourselves a break and let go of the self-blame you have been weilding against your happiness and sanity.

Today, on the Dilbert blog, Scott Adams challenged his readers to describe themselves in one word.  He felt it was kind of impossible since people are so complex and multi-faceted.

It put me in mind, however, of marlajyane who -with her friend Connie - picked a word that would ‘guide her thinking and behavior for 2008′. 

I much prefer this to a resolution because instead of something very specific you are trying to ‘get done’, ‘accomplish’, and ‘complete’ - it is more like choosing a vision or theme for living in 2008.  ‘Accomplishing’ and ‘completing’ are very linear and more aggressive, very much like action items.

Living with a theme for the year allows you creativity and purpose.  Is your purpose to lose weight?  Hell no.  That’s your goal.  Is your purpose to live with passion?  Now you have a theme that you can parlay into multiple areas of your life.

Looking back, it is clear that for some years my theme might have been ’survivor’, ‘manager’, even ‘earner’.  When I answered the question on Marlajayne’s blog, I chose ‘beLoved’.  Now that I think about it though, beLoved, was the theme for 2007.

For 2008, I choose engage. 

I have been invited to be an ‘expert’ at SelfGrowth.com.  SHAZAAM!

Again, I have to say, thank you to all of you who read PersistentIllusion or Live on Purpose.  I am so grateful for your support, comments, and emails.

Also, someone challenged me to create ‘hypnosis’ tracks for weight-loss, happiness, marriage, and success and post them on the site.  So, yes, Carol - I will take you up on that challenge opportunity and they will be free of charge because that’s how I roll.

If you would like to be notified when they are ready, simply fill out the contact form below with your name and email address.  If you have something specific you are interested in, feel free to add that information as well.

Even without the elections, 2008 is going to be a crazy year.  Crazy awesome.

From the website for The Secret,

Wealth is a mindset. Money is literally attracted to you or repelled from you. It’s all about how you think. “

It’s easy to see how “The Secret” made such a big impact in the aughts.  The late 90’s were an unfettered dot.com boom, and the early 2000’s saw a real estate boom as well.  Suddenly, everyone can invest online and follow stocks and see their investment ‘magically’ grow. 

When you see everyone else making money, hand-over-fist, it’s no surprise to think that you can do it too.  People get sucked into MLM (multi-level marketing) and going to real estate seminars.  So when Rhonda Byrne showed up with stuff like,

Money is magnetic energy. You are a magnet attracting to you all things, via the signal you are emitting through your thoughts and feelings.

…people went nuts.

Now we are approaching a likely recession and, despite a philosophy that says that abundance is everywhere, it is likely that not everyone who obsesses thinks about money will become one of the superwealthy. 

How could it be?  I am abundance!  I am life’s yearning for abundance!  The universe wants to give me yet more abundance!  I love money, I think about it all of the time!  This makes no sense…  I’ve been robbed.

IT IS POSSIBLE TO BECOME WEALTHY IN A RECESSION.

Read the rest of this entry »

Flowers?  Chocolates?  Teddy bears? Looong hallmarks cars?  Say it ain’t so!  Valentine’s Day is back and, like a “Dawn of the Dead” zombie, just won’t die.

As much as I wish I could recommend standing in the lobby of a restaurant on a two hour wait, those are two hours of your life that you can’t get back. 

Once seated, you can barely even hear your partner over the dull roar of the other 5,000 ‘guests’ they managed to cram in, and you’ll be lucky to even see your waitress until she hands you the check where gratuity is graciously added for you, even though only the two of you were dining.

There must be something better…

1.  Disaster-A-Thon.

Or a similarly themed movie night depending on your tastes.  Imagine the romantic banter whilst watching “The Day After Tomorrow”. 

Baby, I would never let your leg get amputated.  If I have to run out into sub-zero temperatures to get penicillin because you were too stupid to tell anyone you had an infection, I would do it in a heart beat because I love you so much.

Or…

If you died first I would never eat you.  I love you too much for that.

Personally, I’ll take some Wrath of Khan with some Ghiradelli brownies, thanks.  And boycott the romcom’s; most of them aren’t realistic.  You know what’s romantic?  “300″ and the relationship between King Leonidas and Queen Gorga. 

2.  Strip Poker.

Nothing says ‘zombie’ like clothes falling off of your body.   All you need is a deck of cards, ‘chips’, clothing, and heavy drapes.  I once played poker where we ‘bet’ with pretzels because we didn’t have anything else.  The winner got to eat the pot.

Don’t stop there!  Strip Jenga, strip Uno, strip Scrabble…whatever it takes, because you need to have some fun and get naked.

3.  Arcade.

Go shoot something.  Find a decent arcade and go duck hunting.  Some of them even have the retro games like Pac-man and Space Invaders.  Bonus points if you make it to some place with skeeball.

4.  Pictures.

Find a photo booth and take pictures together.  You always see it in the movies and almost no one does it because you think “What??  Five dollars for pictures??  You must be nuts.”  What’s $5 compared to $70 at an overcrowded restaurant?  I rest my case.

Work your best zombie stare-and-bite for the camera.  Fabulous!

5.  PTO.

Strategy is key for survival!  Take the day off of being a work zombie to enjoy with your s/o.  Go for a romantic lunch and afternoon movie, and then laugh at all the suckers who were stupid enough to wait until nightfall.

6.  Pizza.

Zombies like their food easy and on the go.  No one cooks!  Everybody wins!

1.  Cab.  Get the number of a cab before you go out and keep a twenty stashed on your person just in case you need it.

2.  Do not drink and drive.  Any cop working tonight is already annoyed at having to work a holiday.  You will not be able to talk yourself out of any tickets.  If you drink and get caught driving you are going to jail, directly to jail.  Do not pass go; do not collect $100.

3.  No drunk dialing.  Repeat after me: I will not drunk dial my ex.  I will not drunk dial my ex.  This is very important. 

4.  No drunk emailing or texting.  Ditto for email and texting.  According to the Urban Dictionary, drunk emailing is: 

When drunk dialing just isn’t enough because the person who you tried to drunk dial didn’t answer their phone or you are just so belligerent that you need to talk to more than just the people in your phone.

5.  Don’t be lame.  If you are depressed, don’t drink.  It will not make you feel better and you’ll drag everyone else down.  If you are determined to have a good time in the face of your depression, go out and laugh at all the drunk people.  Bring a camera.  Pretend you’re Steve Irwin on the prowl.

6.  DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX.  For any reason.  Or your mother-in-law.

 Cheers!

1.  Cab.  Get the number of a cab before you go out and keep a twenty stashed on your person just in case you need it.

2.  Do not drink and drive.  Any cop working tonight is already annoyed at having to work a holiday.  You will not be able to talk yourself out of any tickets.  If you drink and get caught driving you are going to jail, directly to jail.  Do not pass go; do not collect $100.

3.  No drunk dialing.  Repeat after me: I will not drunk dial my ex.  I will not drunk dial my ex.  This is very important. 

4.  No drunk emailing or texting.  Ditto for email and texting.  According to the Urban Dictionary, drunk emailing is: 

When drunk dialing just isn’t enough because the person who you tried to drunk dial didn’t answer their phone or you are just so belligerent that you need to talk to more than just the people in your phone.

5.  Don’t be lame.  If you are depressed, don’t drink.  It will not make you feel better and you’ll drag everyone else down.  If you are determined to have a good time in the face of your depression, go out and laugh at all the drunk people.  Bring a camera.  Pretend you’re Steve Irwin on the prowl.

6.  DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX.  For any reason.  Or your mother-in-law.

 Cheers!

Christmas is a very stressful time of year.  Especially if you are the ‘holiday coordinator’, which is usually Mom and usually thankless.

I had the good fortune to spend this weekend in the emergency room of my local hospital for “palpitations”; a very benign sounding word for something that scared the crap out of me. 

Good fortune?  Yes!  It seems strange, I know, but I am leveraging this bit of news for all it’s worth.  

Basically, I am boycotting Christmas. 

I am not putting up any tree, buying any gifts, cooking any turkey, sending any cards, feeling guilty that I haven’t sent ‘enough’ to certain people even when they never send me anything, and I am not spending money I don’t have.  No stockings filled with crap I shouldn’t be eating anyway.  No traveling to see relatives I don’t like.  No lights.  No carols.  Nothing. 

Contrary to appearances, I am not a bah humbug person.  Christmas is one of the things my father got right; there are traditions I associate with Christmas that I want to pass on to my children.  But I would like to be around to pass them on.  I would like to continue to enjoy Christmas.

So, in boycotting Christmas this year, I am contemplating how I want to spend Christmases in following years.

Trade the Turkey for a Chicken

Can I tell you how tired I am of dealing with a jumbo-sized turkey, which then leaves me with jumbo-sized leftovers for a month?  And then the prep and the HOURS of cooking?  I am so over it.

Stockings full of diabetes, obesity, and caffeine - Ho Ho Ho

One of the things my doctor mentioned was that I needed to stay away from caffeine.  I drink water.  Water is delicious and awesome.  No coke or coffee for me.  I’m thinking “piece of cake” until I was gently reminded that chocolate has caffeine.  Now I’m getting chest pains.  

We have an obesity problem in this country.  We also have kids running around that we pump full of ritalin because they are ADHD.  Do we really need to up the sugar ante?

And also - it may be my love of fantasy novels speaking - but what about fruit and cheeses?  Brie, rome apples, smoked gouda, golden delicious apples, fresh mozerella - YUM.  Yes, perhaps a tad calorie rich, but a breakfast spent munching on a fruit and cheese tray once a year has got to be better than a giant chocolate santa, assorted kisses, and coco fruity pebbles.

Presents, The Only Way to Say ‘I Love You’

Let’s be honest.  Presents are awesome…for about ten minutes.  And it isn’t just kids with the short attention span either.  I cannot begin to list the amount of things I have been excited about and then forgotten within 3 months.

I’m a sucker for kitchen gadgets, yes! give me the super-blasto-incredi-powered-can’t live without-specialty item.  And how in the world have I lived without this??  And yes, I have a rice cooker that never sees the light of day.

Toning down those urges is difficult.  But as any parent who has bought their child now unused karate lessons knows, the longing for the item is far more powerful than enjoyment of the item.  That goes for adults too, ahem.

Plus, the more presents you get, the more crap you have and the more stuff you have to store.  I don’t see what’s wrong with just one physical present for Christmas.  One present to fully appreciate, not a pay day of gratuitous items.

Decorations - Tu casa es mi casa

To me, nothing says Christmas more than a clean house.  We always gave the house a a thorough cleaning before Santa could come.  We would stay up until 2am cleaning and organizing and be too zonked to stay awake listening for sleigh bells.  (Or the pitter patter of adult feet putting presents under the tree.)  Slave labor?  Maybe.  Or maybe my father was a genius. 

There is nothing like being able to enjoy my home for the holidays.  Besides, I would rather enjoy your holiday decorations. 

I think skipping my decorations and driving around to see everyone else’s Christmas lights is pretty genius.  I just always feel like I am too busy ‘presenting’ the holidays to really enjoy the holidays. 

The Ch in Christmas Stands for Cha Ching

When did we as a country decide that Christmastime means spending yourself out of house and home?

Why are we spending money we don’t have on an ephemeral holiday that doesn’t even stand for money? 

Have the perfect Christmas.  Christmas should be a family event!  The bigger the Christmas, the more you love your family.  You need decorations and presents and turkeys, oh my.  Celebrating Christmas is American; our consumer spending indicates our economic health. 

It’s like a wedding, but one that happens every year. 

So much pressure on a holiday that began in celebration of a little guy from Bethlehem.  I think he’ll understand if I sit this one out.

Man or woman, spouses want to reserve the right to have their mother as “number one” in their life.

The answer, to me, is so simple and obvious.  Of course your spouse comes before your mother.  Logically, it doesn’t make any sense to choose your mother over your spouse. 

As I have stated before, however, no one actually makes decisions logically.  ‘Mother’ and ‘motherhood’ evoke an unconditional love and caring, a sense of sacredness, reverence, and deep respect. 

I find it extremely interesting that fathers, too, are not held in this esteem.  A man is not defined by his children but a woman who is a mother is always a mother. 

“Oh but a mother sacrifices.” you say. 

This underlying assumption of this attitude is that a mother is the ‘true’ parent. 

Parenthood is only experienced fully by a mother and that a father is irrelevant.  Not only this, but that a woman is PRIMARILY defined by her status as a mother.

Think about it.  You (man or woman) hold your mother in high regard because she ‘sacrificed’ for you.  Not because she is brilliant, resourceful, or generous.  (Unless it is directly related to her status as a mother.) 

A reverential view is driven by the presumption that being a mother is not only her SOLE achievement in life, but important because she is taking care of YOU. 

How do I know this?  Because, if you are a man, your wife is also a mother (or will be) yet not held in as high regard. 

A mother is, in a perfect world, also a wife.  By reverentially defining her as ‘mother’, you negate her as a complete human.  Mothers are not sacred.  They are women who are spouses, who maybe work.  They, just as a father, do the best they can with what they have. 

Celebrate your mother as a woman in her own right.